Trials and Tribulations
By Hallie Stafford
Pronounced dead at nineteen and written off again in adulthood, Mary Hicks discovers her faith and fights a system that tried to take everything to reclaim her life.
Mary Hicks grew up in home marked by substance abuse and emotional neglect. Her mother was distant, narcissistic, and often put her in harm’s way. She learned early that safety was something she would have to find for herself. By twelve she was running away. At fifteen, she was shipped off to a private boarding school where she excelled academically but hid a rapidly growing substance use disorder. On her fifteenth birthday, she was kicked out and from then on, she found herself alone.
Mary creates collages from magazine cutouts as a way to express what her mind looks like and uses it as an outlet to destress from her troubles and good times in life. The collage on the right was created after Mary was told the story of a young man with a traumatic past. Mary was waiting on assistance in a homeless clinic as a young man turned to her and began talking about the things that his father had done to him as a child. His father called him "Maleigh" and he had written that on his backpack. After he had told her his story he pulled his beanie over his head. "I don't know why this kid decided to tell me all these things, but he did and I had to do something with it." said Mary. "It went along with a lot of things that were already in my head, so I had to get that out."
Three days later she woke up strapped to a bed in a psychiatric ward.
Her teens and early twenties were marked by addiction, violence, homelessness, and trauma she can barely remember because of brain injuries and the fog of survival. At nineteen, after a drug overdose in New Orleans, she was pronounced dead. Three days later she woke up strapped to a bed in a psychiatric ward. An experience she calls both supernatural and impossible to forget.
Her faith, “the Father,” as she calls Him, is the throughline of her story. Mary did not grow up religious. She was introduced to church by a babysitter, and later by a neighbor who invited her to a small service when she was twelve. She remembers walking to the altar with a feeling she couldn’t explain. But substance use swallowed that moment whole until years later, when she was 27, pregnant again, and invited to hear a pastor speak. From that point on, faith became her anchor.
Her faith, “the Father,” as she calls Him, is the throughline of her story. Mary did not grow up religious. She was introduced to church by a babysitter, and later by a neighbor who invited her to a small service when she was twelve. She remembers walking to the altar with a feeling she couldn’t explain. But substance use swallowed that moment whole until years later, when she was 27, pregnant again, and invited to hear a pastor speak. From that point on, faith became her anchor.
From left: Adam Juelfs, Woody Henderson, Lillian Henderson, Mary Hicks, Emma Henderson, Jimmy Robinett, and Annie Henderson gather around their mother in 2005. Juelfs came to visit their grandparents at the time.
Hicks lost her 6 children on March 10, 2004. Her youngest was only 1 year old. "The state was trying to take my children away, even though I had done everything." said Hicks. She had to drug screen 3 times week for 18 months and never missed one. She was required to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and parenting classes and finished in less time than a normal person would but despite her efforts the state decided to move towards adoption where they moved her children to Peoria, Ill. with the prospective adoptive parents. "They had a 280 page report that they have the judge that said I should never parent my children ever again."
"If I didn't have faith at that point, I would have lost it all"
Hicks went to jail for 60 days when the state took her kids. Around day 45 in jail she came to a place where her prayer was "God, more than anything in this world I want my children to come home. But I don't now the beginning from the end, and my history is horrible. I do not want to jeopardize these children ever again. So if it's best for them not to come home to me than help me accept that and help me not to go back to using drugs and alcohol." After 18 months and 60 days in jail, the judge ruled in hr favor and brought her children home.
Mary's children gather together for a picture